pavona voov png

ME:

she / her

depression | anxiety | disordered eating | opinionated | stubborn | introvert | medicated | in therapy | over 21 & not living with family | not religious | left-leaning | not very social | non-gamer | glasses | piercings | tattoos | straight but not narrow | in the friendzone

!! Pavona Voov is not my real name :3

THIS:

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24 May 2019 - Friday 12:34pm

I have some nice trainers now! Not from the place I've been meaning to go to, but found on the way there. They were reduced from $150 to $99 because they were the last pair in that size/style/colour combo. They're actually a size above but thick socks or double regular socks work well. They are bouncy and comfortable and I'm crazy happy about them. Yaaaaay!! Nike M2K Tekno in orange/pink/white (pic).

23 May 2019 - Thursday 8:15pm

I did pretty well yesterday - I didn't get to the shoe shop but I did everything else I planned, except it wasn't a brisk walk in the park, it was more of a stroll, but I kept at it for over an hour. I think that evens out!

I did see something upsetting in the park though. There was an older couple (grey hair) with their young puppy, some kind of mid-sized terrier, maybe half grown. They were teaching it to sit and stay, using treats and positive reinforcement (that's what we like to see). Then a large group of teens came over and started playing with the puppy. They should have asked first. :(

The owners didn't seem to mind and the puppy was friendly, but after about 10 mins it was obvious the dog was getting anxious, too much stimulation and strange people shrieking in its face and wanting to cuddle it. The owners were totally ignoring this, on their phones, doing whatever. I went over to the group of kids and said they should give the dog more space, it was obviously getting freaked out. They kinda sneered at me, like "it's not your dog". I scooped up the puppy and said, "but I know about dogs, I can tell this one is getting upset" and I took it back to the owners and explained what had happened. They said thanks, patted their dog a bit, gave it a treat, then went back to their phones.

Why the frick do you get a dog if you're just going to ignore it??? I get ignoring a dog that's misbehaving, you do it like that to discourage the bad behaviour (unless the dog is in danger, obviously, then you intervene). The puppy was stressed, it was shivering and its ears were pulled back. So I sat on the ground next to the couple's seat and held the puppy gently on my lap until it was calm, about 20 mins. I was secretly hoping it would go to sleep on me but the teens had gone so when it wanted to get up I let it go.

I wish I could have a dog, but I'm not financially stable and other parts of my life aren't stable either, and probably the responsibility would be too much for me in the long term. But geez... I want to love all the sad puppies out there. All-day cuddles and belly rubs. Lots of praise and nice walkies. Dear little fuzzy faces looking up at me. Awww.

22 May 2019 - Wednesday 5:43am

Instead of sleeping I've been exploring neocities. Too much caffeine, I think. Also, not having stuffed myself with junk food yesterday I didn't have the usual post-carb-binge food coma thing happening. Possibly even the exercise served to keep my system ticking over? Wonders will never cease, haha!

There are some really nice, interesting, creative, original, and even useful sites on neocities! You have to hunt a bit, try jumping around in the activity pages, go to page 5 or 17 or something then come back to page 2. The updating/refreshing is a bit clunky/laggy, or maybe that's just my connection. I have so many tabs open, I really should close some before everything crashes. (At least I got my emails written finally. Had to make myself do them, but now they're done I don't have to think about them again until those people respond, if they ever do.)

Still haven't taken my laundry up. I needed to do that last week and I still haven't done it. This is what I mean about adulting (failing to). I do have lots of clothes, but they don't fit. That's because I let myself get fat again. So I'm now in my last pair of pants that I can just about squeeze into (but not very comfortably) and there are eight other pairs waiting to be washed. Eight!!

But that's not what I wanted to say. Plan for today:
* At 8am, take my damn laundry up to the laundromat, see if I can collect it tonight.
* After 9am, go to the shoe shop I've been meaning to go to and buy myself some comfy trainers that are not ugly.
* Ring my mum and see if I can go stay with her for a couple of days next week (I need a break from the nutters in this building).
* At about 1pm, try the new fish meal that's been advertised at my local pub as a Wednesday special (I love fish but hate cooking it myself).
* If I'm still awake at 3pm, go for a brisk walk around the park (hopefully in new comfy trainers That Are Not Ugly) for at least 20 mins. After that, or instead of that if I'm falling asleep, go home and nap until about 6pm, then pick up laundry if they said I could do that.

There's a lot of stupid, useless, ugly, headache-inducing crap on neocities, too, of course. I'm trying not to be one of those sites.

22 May 2019 - Wednesday 12:20am

Went for another walk last night, which is almost unheard-of for me. The idea was to walk twice as far as I did earlier. I think I just about managed that. I had to sit down a couple of times because I was too hot and needed to cool off. I was a bit out of breath but nothing really awful. I bought a chicken wrap to eat on the way home, but no mayo, so it was reasonably healthy. I forgot to ask them to take the skin off the chicken, though, and I was so hungry I'd eaten half of it before I realised there was skin in it. Oh well. Better than most days though - I was active twice and I didn't eat junk.

I bought some chewing gum too, strawberry and watermelon flavour supposedly. I've had watermelon gum and strawberry gum but not both together before. It doesn't taste like strawberry or watermelon, it tastes like Christmas. It smells like Christmas, too! I don't know how to explain the taste/scent, it just screams "Christmas" at me. Childhood Christmases, I guess. Or no later than the mid-90s.

Met some more nice dogs in my second walk, including a poodle-cross which really wanted me to sit down on the footpath so she could snuggle in my lap. Awww. But her mommy wouldn't let her. Sensible. I'd still be sitting there, petting her. Haha.

21 May 2019 - Tuesday 3:11pm

I managed to get rid of the ugly shoes with facebook marketplace. Got $80 for them which is pretty good. Not the full price I paid but I'm happy. Looked at shoes in a local shoe place, although the one I really want to go to is 8 stops away on the train and I just don't have the energy for that right now. There are some nice Vans and Asics on sale in the local place but none that will fit me of course. Stupid feet. Um, no, poor feet. Sorry, feet. I do love you. I stand on you all day, haha. Poor feet. Poor weird feet that are so hard to fit. Wah.

I went for a good walk today and so far I haven't stuffed myself with junk food. I weighed myself this morning, omg, it was horrible! I'm about 24lb over what I was this time last year. I know I have to fix this. Nobody can do it for me (well, they can, if I get put in hospital and controlled, but I really really do not want that!!). I have to show I can and will look after myself, or people will step in and run my life for me and I don't want that. I just wish I could adult properly.

Saw some nice dogs today on my walk. Patted one. It was so happy to be patted. The owner seemed to feel sorry for me, like the dog had tricked me into petting it?? Haha, no, I would pet your dog aaaallll day if I could!

17 May 2019 - Friday 4:13pm

Internet is working again, but who knows if it will stay connected long enough for me to do anything? Automatic updates in progress now, takes forever, everything is slow af.

15 May 2019 - Wednesday 7:19pm

I bought some shoes today, for walking/exercise. Of course the ugliest shoes in the shop would have to be the only ones that fit me properly. I have weird feet. Now I've been wearing them for about an hour they feel a little tight, but I expect they will stretch with use. I'm thinking of getting some metallic paint markers and drawing on them to make them less ugly. Pastel pink and green stripes if I can find the right pens/ink. Or just silver, whatever.

And now the internet has decided to stop working. I can connect fine with my phone on wifi but will the laptop connect/stay connected? Of course not. I was only on for about 20 mins and it dropped out. I don't know why it does that. Even rebooting doesn't always fix it and I don't want to reboot because I just tediously reopened all my tabs (after updating the browser) and scrolled to the right parts of pages to continue trying to relearn all the css I've forgotten. If rebooting would definitely fix the connection, yes, okay, I would do it, but I know it doesn't always work. At least I have the tabs open to work off, even if I can't look up anything else or write the emails I should have done yesterday.

This front page is getting too long. I need to archive the earlier entries. The "dire" folder, by the way, is a lame pun, for "diary" (di+re = di-ree). Also because my life is a dire mess.

Oh, and "pavona" isn't a totally nonsense word after all; apparently "pavonated" means "like peacock blue". Or it's just a coincidence. Namespinners have been known to suggest supposedly non-words that do actually mean something in a language other than regular English. Anyway, I thought it was interesting. And I like peacock colours.

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